Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
