The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
