You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
