just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
