ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
