Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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