you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
