I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize