i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
