Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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