I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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