Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
