I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
