Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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