if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
