Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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