Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
