Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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