and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
