Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
