I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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