I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Alive.
So much puke
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
