also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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