'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
