Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
