just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
