And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
