i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
