im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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