i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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