Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize