You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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