i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
