So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize