it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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