I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
