and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
