ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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