Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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