it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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