dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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