I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
