How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
