Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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