im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
