So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
