He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
