The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
