Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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