I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
