When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
