she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
