please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
