you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
