I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
