Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i believe in u and ur pee
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
