It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
