I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
