Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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