i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
