At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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