Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
