it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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