How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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