She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
