When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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