what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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