I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
