Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
