I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
