my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
