I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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