U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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