dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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