my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
