Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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