The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize