my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
