Im at strip club and am horny
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
