i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
