I just pynch a tree in the face
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
