if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
