fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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