EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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