i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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