I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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