i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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