She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
