She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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