you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
