Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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