I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
