Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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